Corey Haim and Me Not So Different

Dude, I’m tellin’ ya………..

So I wake up this morning to read the reports that former teen star Corey Haim died from a drug overdose. One of the stars of The Lost Boys and License to Drive. He was 38.

And today is my very last day of being 39 years old. Tomorrow is my 40th birthday !

It’s sad though that this other guy won’t ever see his 40th. Legitimately sad.

I used to mock Haim when I was younger. Him and his buddy Corey Feldman. The two of them together was just a bit much for me to endure without ripping on them and their questionable acting skills. I’ll admit, it was probably more of the celebrity jealousy thing than anything else. They had fame, fortune, and girls and I didn’t. So I mocked them. That’s what some people do. Especially the people I hang around with.

Those two offered up a lot of opportunities over the years. There was an E!  True Hollywood Story on them and it drives me nuts the way every single show like that very tenderly portrays the downfall of the celebs. The soft, delicate music starts to play and the narrator inevitably says, ” He was only 19 and at the height of his career when it all came tumbling down around him “.  

And then we’re supposed to feel sorry for these people who are millionaires and want for nothing—-be it Leif Garrett or Corey Haim or Chris Farley——when they maim someone in an auto accident or hurt themselves in some fashion (like a $1000/day cocaine habit; boy it sucks to be them ! ).  Now when they do die, all jokes get put aside and it really is sad when another human being passes away. I’ve grown mature enough here by age 40 to appreciate that concept and know when to quit slinging mud at someone.

But the True Hollywood Story (THS) was followed by Feldman’s appearance on The Surreal Life on VH1.

Feldman is alive, healthy, and wealthy. So I don’t necessarily have to back down yet on my problems with him. This kid is just the kookiest little whiner you’ll find. At least from his behavior on The Surreal Life. He was a bit more manly on The Two Coreys. He had to play the responsible husband versus Haim’s unpredictable houseguest persona. But on The Surreal Life, Feldman was just the biggest horse’s ass. I used to laugh hysterically whenever he called a house meeting to ask why nobody liked him. And when he calls the meeting, everyone else in the house like Vince Neil of Motley Crue would take a deep, pained sigh and roll his eyes. Everyone would trudge to the meeting and Feldman would tearfully air all of his personal issues and beg people to understand him.

It was so funny it made my stomach hurt from laughing so hard. But just another reason (after the THS) to have fun at the two Coreys expense. When you mocked one, you couldn’t help but mock the other.

Which brings us to the latest project they tried to continue irritating us with—the two of them and (what they always believed) to be their cute little banter. Haim was the unruly houseguest disturbing the peace and serentity of Feldman and his young bride. The Two Coreys.

Oh for Chrissake !!

I will say this. I did watch the show alot. But just because these two jackasses with all of their totally staged “issues” and “confrontations” made me roll on the floor laughing. Not at their dialogue or the humor sprinkled into the show. Just because of how bad the acting was and the quality of the scenes. It was one of the most staged-looking shows I have ever watched. The facial expressions when Feldman or his wife didn’t approve of Haim’s behavior…….


So my point here is that when they were both alive and well……..working on a project and doing what they do……they were fair game for celebrity mocking and I don’t regret any of it. They have provided me a lot of comedy material over the years when I’m holding court. For instance, over the last 24 months or so, anytime I see someone that I haven’t bumped into in years……they always ask, ” So what have you been doing ? “

 And my reply has been, ” Oh you know……just working and waiting for the next season of The Two Coreys to start. ”

But things changed today. At least for my outlook on Corey Haim. He’s no longer fair game.

He was barely a year younger than me. And here I am ready to embrace my 40th birthday and try to shed 20 lbs and get a job ASAP. Play some fantasy baseball. Go to a Chicago Bulls game in a few weeks. And he is done with this life. And the truth is, take out his teen stardom, the wealth, and the fame……and there but for the grace of God go I.

I’m not saying I was a drug addict like Haim was. But the dangerous lifestyle in general. The drinking too much. Hanging around with some seedier people. Taking rides from idiots. Sleeping outside sometimes. Blackouts. Just stupid, frivolous behavior and jokes that wound up in a courtroom.

I’ve had my fair share of all of that. Not lately. Except for the drinking too much, I haven’t really done any of the other stuff in four years or more. But that just takes me back to age 36. Pretty damn close to where Haim wound down for good.

So his death today is just one more wakeup call. The life I am now leading is the way to go. The decisions I made 4 years ago to settle down were good ones and Haim’s death is reinforcement for that mindset. Charlie Sheen could benefit from this outlook.  

I don’t have anything more negative or mocking to say about Corey Haim. He paid a stiff penalty for the life he led. He’s even with the house again. He should be left alone or celebrated by those who cared for him. No more rips or jokes about him by me.

Now Corey Feldman is another story.

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