Here’s Johnny…………………………………..

After almost 19 months, I’m back. Why? Why was it so long?

Because I got a job and we all know that the machinery of capitalism is oiled by the blood of its workers. And like you, I am again one of them. Bleeding heavily. But I have already re-claimed my American sense of complacency and now make sure that I slack off and take the time to put this shit up.

Holy shit ! How much has gone on? How many of my Dirty Dozen predictions have come true ? I know that J-Lo and Marc Antony have split. So have Tiger and Elin as predicted. Oh my fuckin’ God…….I sound like some fag that regularly reads US magazine.

Ok, my new girl has it in the john and I admit that I browse it….occasionally. Only when I’m really backed up. Or Kim Kardashian is on the cover showing off that kinda awesome bubble butt. Usually, I’m just backed up from drinking.

What else has gone on in the last year-and-a-half?

Another Survivor season in which Russell Hantz was brought to freakin’ tears and and Boston Rob finally got the lifetime payoff the show likely promised him before signing on last season? How fixed is this crap? If you want a real Survivor challenge, try getting out of the South Side after a WhiteSox game at US Cellular.

But I digress…..what else of importance has happened?

Well, tonight I took 3rd place in my fantasy baseball league and won $175 smack-a-roos. It was awesome. I was down by 20 points at around 8PM and then my next two pitchers threw 15 innings pitched of scoreless ball to put me over the top. Oh…….you don’t give a rip about fantasy baseball?

Screw you then—–you don’t get it. I just won the entry fee to the first 15 weeks of the office NFL pool that pays out at least $100 per week. I intend  to win it at least two times this year—like last year—and translate the $150 winnings into $200 or more. Get it now? That’s what us Tired Americans have to do to eat now-a–days. That——or the soup kitchen.

That’s how it works—-see? Honest work is for suckers, as Callogio told his father (Robert DeNiro) in A Bronx Tale. You have to make a hell of a lot on the side to make it in this world.

What else is happening?

Well, the Bears aren’ t that great. They’re 1-2 and well on their way to the 6-10 that I predict for them. The offensive line is just too weak as has been well documented in the media, and as much as I enjoy it on a barbarian level, seeing Cutler run for his life every snap isn’t enjoyable.

Finally, apparently there is a book coming out disparaging Walter Payton as a womanizer and drug abuser. It allegedlywasn’t hard drugs or even recreational drugs…..it was painkillers. Oh, what a scoop ! If you’ve ever read or seen North Dallas Forty or any other noteworthy doc on NFL football in the ’70’s, it is all about reds and greenies and shots and other pills just to help you take the field. If Payton was on painkillers, my only view is “No shit, Sherlock ” No one deserved to take drugs more. Except maybe Kenny Stabler of the Raiders…..But that was purely recreational the same as Sebastion Janikowski (the field goal kicker) does for the Oakland Raiders now.

Didn’t he just kick a 63 yard field goal to tie the all-time record a few weeks ago?

Oh yeah……that was after he knocked out a few broads with HGB like he did in college at Florida State and was allowed to play in the National Title game while other FLA ST rule-breakers weren’t.

God Bless Sebastion Janikowski……..

Welcome to the NFL of the 1970’s with no drug testing, drugs on the locker room buffet table with scoops like an ice cream parlor, pill doctors on the weekly payroll, party houses in the highest district neighborhood (until the early 2000’s) , etc. etc. There was no drug testing and the more wild you were (for that time), the higher paid you were. Carry a machete in your car and you’ll make more coin ! Now you can’t even enter the league unless you’re a convicted felon.

Keep checking in for new posts—-especially the re-newed Asshole of the Month (AOTM) award and Survivor and NFL updates. There will be a new AOTM award for September 2011 in a few days. Check out some of the older award winners in the “Categories” archive. Don’t forget to regularly check out www.west34.com

It’s the best band in the near suburbs and they just rocked out Johnnie B’s in Brookfield on 9/24. They blew the roof off. Hit their next gig for sure.

We have what should be a for-sure Bears win this Sunday or I’ll be pissed off. Plus my imminent win in the football confidence pool. Oh, and Survivor aired tonight but I didn’t watch it live because of the last day of baseball.

I’ll have a summary of who are the biggest pain-in-the-asses on Survivor by then end of the weekend.

Cheers !