Survivor season kicks off this past Thursday

Dude, I’m tellin’ ya………………..

Before I get into the first episode of the latest season of Survivor that premiered this past Thursday (9/17), I wanted to share a little story.

My brother hates these reality shows. Like me, he enjoys mocking and ripping on the contestants, their petty squabbles, and the whole genre in general. I lived with my brother for a few years recently and he was subjected to my weekly viewing of Survivor. He used to crack me up ripping host Jeff Probst to shreds. He hated the show and swore that after we went our seperate ways, he would never consider watching this program again.

Now if you don’t know my brother, he goes for the jugular right off the bat. His humor is NOT for the feint-hearted. He wishes injuries on players while watching NFL games. He will rip George Clooney or Johnny Depp as “fags”. Their movies suck—–always. He will question a person’s parentage, intelligence, family tree, and prison record. He pulls absolutely no punches.

So now, even though we no longer live together, I can’t watch Survivor without thinking of my brother’s (often) drunken, mocking venom of the show and Jeff Probst. He always made fun of how Probst would pause for such a long time before exclaiming, “OK…………………………………………I’ll go count the votes” when at tribal council. And when the show is over and they are going to the last commercial break, Probst always says, “Next time on……………………………………………………………………………Survivor!”

My brother had a field day with those. Somehow he would always toss in a question of Probst’s manhood while mocking those quotes. I loved it too.

So I watched this past Thursday’s episode and laughed hysterically by myself whenever one of those “Probst” moments came up. I just had to call my bro after the show ended and thank him for bringing tears to my eyes—-even in absentia.

As soon as I brought up Survivor and the episode I had just watched, he  surprisingly implored me in a panicked voice…….”Don’t tell me what happened !!! I’ve DVR’d it and am about to watch it with dinner !!!!!”

By far, that made me laugh the hardest of the whole night. It just goes to show ya….Survivor is the King of Reality Shows. It hooks everybody who watches it. EVERYBODY !!!!

Now, on to the premier episode.

They dropped (I believe) 20 people off on an island this time. They had already been broken into tribes, so that saved the viewer about 10 minutes of that usually excruciating nonsense. All these nimrods had to do was vote for a leader. So they established their leaders and went on to camp. Let’s take a quick look at some of the people in the forefront:

Russell:  I’d say we have to start with Russell. This is the one guy every season who thinks he’s a grand manipulator. He’s the puppet master who is smarter than everyone and can make people do what he wants. The only difference I see in this stroke and the others from past seasons is that he openly admits he’s a millionaire and doesn’t need the money. He is there to create waves. He is there to play people. I have no problem with this. As long as he admits that he is purposely trying to stir the pot, go ahead…..be a prick. Which he is, thus far.

Shambo:  Here’s the yearly “butch” chick that looks to be the gay woman. I don’t say that in a bad way…….Survivor seems to like to position itself so that they can easily claim they represent the entire spectrum of American people; female gay, male gay, black woman, black man, Asian woman, Asian man, old man, older woman……….{in other words, Survivor covers its ass from accusations of bias and exclusion}. But this girl is seemingly tough enough to hang around…..just not beyond the first 8 to go.

Dave:   a fitness instructor and the gay male; {note to Dave: if you are not a homosexual, my apologies to you and your family. You just seem gay-er than a $3 bill}.

Mike:   This is the traditional “older” guy….but he’s a bit tougher like a neighborhood tavern owner or something. Allegedly, he’s a private chef. He has the gut to prove it. But in his on-screen comments, he seems like a tough and sensible old dog. I can see him make the jury unless he completely lets the team down in a physical challenge. Which being a pot-bellied lard ass, he probably will.

Russell:   This is the other Russell. To differentiate him, for lack of a better identification measure, he’s the black guy with the dreads. But he looks pretty fit, pretty smart, pretty sociable, and pretty capable. I can see this guy make the jury as well. He looks to be a nice guy that is a team player. When both tribes arrived for the immunity challenge, he touted the teamwork of his tribe. The other team mocked it and thought they were physically superior. The other team lost. This guy looks sharp.

You also want to watch out for Jaison, Eric, Nick, and John. Yes, they are all male and young and seemingly fit. That is why I say you should watch out for them. One of these four men will make the Final 5. Mark my words. One of the youngest, fittest, good-looking, sociable men ALWAYS make the Final 5. Bank on it. One of these guys…..

In the end, the one woman who saw what (white, rich) Russell was doing——–plotting with every young lady and promising everybody his loyalty——-and she spoke up about it; she was eliminated. That was really too bad. Number one—-she was kind of cute. She looked like in any other circumstance, she might last a while. But she butted horns with a guy who is looking to go ALL-IN from the get-go. It reminds me  of when I play cards on PokerStars.com

There is always several people who can either afford it…..or don’t care about a quick flash and exit. They go ALL-IN early and often and after eliminating a few people, they get caught by someone shrewder and more calculating. Then they too, are out.

That’s what I see happening to (white) Russell. He may last 2-4 weeks (of the show….perhaps 10-12 days on the island). then he will be gone with most of the smarmy, “I’m better than you”, jack-ass people that make the show. We all love it when a real smart-ass prick gets eliminated.

And apparently, my brother is loving every minute of it too.